Staff Blog
Family Rules
by Noelle Roe, LCMFT,
RPT
January 14, 2015
I often
talk with the families I work with about “family rules.”
The concept of family rules is as simple as it sounds:
rules that everyone in the family is expected to follow.
This is counter to conventional parenting which sets up
rules that only the children are supposed to follow.
These are rules that parents themselves often do not
follow. So let’s stop and think about this for a second.
The people that your children look to as a role model
and guide (yes, I am talking about you), do not abide by
the rules. Yet the smallest, least experienced, least
capable people in the house are expected to follow them.
Difficult things such as do not hit, talk respectfully
to adults, stay at the table until your food is gone,
use your manners etc. What would it be like if there
were rules that everyone in the family was expected to
follow? The three that I often recommend, and the three
that my own families abides by, are: respectful voice,
listening ears, and nice touches.
I know they sound
simple, and that’s the point. They are three simple,
easy to remember rules that are always applicable and
are followed by everyone in the family. This means that
my husband and I follow the rules as well. By following
the rules, we model how to follow them to our kids. I
know you are thinking these sound like rules that should
be posted on the wall of a Kindergarten classroom, but
stop for a moment and think about how your family could
be different if everyone strived to follow these rules
(or ones similar to them).
What
would it be like, if everyone in your house strove to
speak respectfully to each other, listen to each other,
and refrained from aggressive behavior? I find that
family rules also keep me humble. When I am expected to
follow the same rules as my children, I remember that
sometimes they are hard even for an adult. I am not
perfect, and there have been times that in by busyness I
have failed to listen. There have been times in my
frustration that I have yelled. But I recognize those
shortcomings, apologize for them, and strive to do
better. My
shortcomings help me to remember that for tiny,
developing people there will most certainly be times
that they struggle. It is in these times that it is my
job to model for them how to learn from your mistakes
and to continue growing in your ability to engage with
others respectfully.
Download your
helpful visual rules here.
